He wasn't ready
by lplourde
Summary: Have you ever noticed how Barney is always saying things like, "No I'M Ted's best friend!" or when Ted refers to him as a friend and Barney will make sure to put in and make clear that he's his "best friend"? Well, what if there were more to it than just wanting to be his best friend? Or his wing man?
It was another night that Barney, Lily, Robin, Marshall, and Ted were having at MacLaren's Pub. It was no different from any other night, the usual plan for Ted to be Barney's wingman and vice versa.

Barney was stirring his scotch and readjusted his suit to make sure it was looking as good as ever for the special person he had hopes of bringing back to his apartment that night.

Ted was doing the same, but as per usual he refused to "suit up" with Barney. Ted went with the usual plaid shirt tucked tightly into his jeans and secured by a black leather belt. He started to eye up the cute blonde bar tender and was getting his plan ready so he could make his move.

Ted looked at Barney and said, "Ready wingman? I need you to go up to that cute blonde bartender and started talking me up about how great of an architect I am and my latest project."

Hiding what he was truly feeling on the inside Barney replied, "Oh, you got it buddy."

Barney got up and made his way to the bar, but little did Ted know Barney was about to sabotage Ted's hopes and plans on taking this girl home with him.

"Excuse me miss, have you met Ted?" As he points back smiling to Ted who is still sitting at the booth.

"Oh, no I have not. Who is Ted?" The bartender replies.

"Well, you see my friend… I mean BEST friend Ted over there told me to come and tell you how awful that bleach and tone looks on you and that your drinks are weak and you might as well just leave," Barney said to her.

The cute blonde bartender proceeded to walk over to Ted and slapped him across the face shouting, "Asshole!"

Ted, sitting there puzzled as ever, looks back to Barney, who is still up at the bar, and just stares.

Barney walks back over to Ted and says, "I guess she doesn't like architects."

"What am I supposed to do now? I was really interested in that girl," Ted said disappointedly.

"Oh cheer up Ted. How about you and I just have a bros night back at my place?" Said Barney.

Marshall jumps in and says, "A bros night?! I'm in!"

"No Marshall, just best bros only," said Barney.

"We can have our own night Marshall," says Lily seductively.

** Later that night **

Ted heads back to Barney's apartment with him and the two get ready for a legen—wait for it—dary bros night.

Barney has been secretly planning this night for months and now that he has Ted to himself for the night he is going to be on his A game.

"So, Ted. I know things did not workout with the bartender, but I want you to know that this is going to be one of the best nights of your life. You don't need any bimbos like that getting you down. You know I am your best friend before anyone and only want what is best for you," Barney says in a strangely serious way.

"Just get me wasted, Barney, I have been so off my game lately and don't feel like thinking about it anymore," Ted says moodily.

Barney starts to pour Ted a drink and turns on Ted's favorite movie: Star Wars. He then says, "Oh don't you worry my friend. The night is yours to decide."

One drink after another Ted gets to a point where he cannot speak coherently or stand up straight. Barney smirks to himself and starts to use this to his advantage. He starts to move closer to Ted on couch. As he inches over he starts to share bits of his feelings towards Ted,

"Ted, Teddy… You know we have always been the closest out of the five of us. We have this special bond. It's no wonder I am your best friend, right?"

Ted starts speaking the best he can, "Barney, ha ha Barney like the dinosaur. Are you a dinosaur? Thanks for this super fun night. I am having such good time."

Ted then proceeds to vomit in a bowl of chips.

Barney scoots next to Ted close enough to pull the classic yawn and reaches his arm around Ted and pats his back, "There there, why don't you just close your eyes and get some rest."

Once Barney is sure that Ted is asleep he picks him up and carries him to his bed. Before turning off the lights he just sits there looking at Ted, his heart pounding.

As Barney turns off the light he kisses Ted's cheek and whispers "I love you" in his ear.

The next morning Ted wakes up from the light of the sunshine shining into his eye. With a pounding hangover he starts to get up to go get a glass of water when he realizes it is a bit hard to get up. Barney's body is half on Ted.

Ted has a disturbed look on his face and after the shock and disgust of that he looks around the room and sees pictures of himself and Barney all around the room. It looks like the scene of a serial killer stalking his prey.

"Barney! Wake up right now!" Shouts Ted.

"Wh-what's the matter Ted?" Barney replies.

"What is going on? What is all of this? How did I get in your bed?" Ted asks puzzlingly.

"You know what Ted. I cannot hide it anymore, especially now. Ted, I am in love with you." Barney proclaims.

"What are you talking about? In love with me? You're the straightest guy I know?"

"Ted that is just an act so I can continue to be your wingman. You don't know how hard it is to see you taking girl after girl home. It should be me. I'm the one who can make you happy. I know you the best. I'm your best friend. You belong with me."

"Barney I don't know where this is coming from but I'm leaving."

"Ted! You can't leave. Give this, give us, a chance."

Ted starts to get up from the bed and holds his hands to his raging hangover.

"Barney, I think we need some space," Ted said as he walks out of the apartment.

This is unacceptable for Barney. No one rejects Barney Stinson, especially his best friend.

A few days later the gang meets up at the pub. Everything was normal, except between Barney and Ted.

Ted spots a cute girl up at the bar. He tells Robin to go put in a good word for him, but Barney offers to do so after the train wreck of a morning they had had. Little did Ted know Barney was going to sabotage this one as well.

Barney approaches the girl and says, "Have you met Ted?"

From then on Barney made it his mission to secretly ruin Ted's relationships and chances with women. If he can't have him, no one can.


End file.
